Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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