Only a mothe r could love this liver
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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