were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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