This gyro tastes like lonliness
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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