She bit a glass in half.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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