You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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