oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
