how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
