The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
