I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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