Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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