Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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