Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
