cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
