our cab driver is having phone sex.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
