She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You were trust falling into bushes
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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