it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The beer is more important than you right now.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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