I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
sex in a hospital.. check
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
