apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You took a bar mat shot.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
