So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
