would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
