I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
