I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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