The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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