I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
