You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
