on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
