Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize