Porn is love you can see.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
