We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
