Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
