I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
