so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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