Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize