May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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