dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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