can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
