you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
