its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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