if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
