I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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