batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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