i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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