my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
