So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
