I need to stop coming to work sober
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
