First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
