I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
