don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
