i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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