You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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