How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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