mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
