On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize