Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
