Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize