theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize