I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Randomize
