is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
