this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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