You're so nebulous sometimes
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
