ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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